When I was in BJ with my mom in August for her hysterectomy (just double-checked the spelling of the word and was surprised to see I got it right. Not happy with my new knowledge though.), I told my properly scared and anxious brother in Hong Kong to come, thinking that it’d give my mom very good comfort and support as well as earn a bit more together-time–who knows how much have we got. It’d also be a good comfort for my brother I thought, and I told him that standing in the muddled water is, actually, less scary than looking at it from the shore.
Just now I realize how wise I was saying that — as I am now in Hong Kong and my mom is in BJ, I can’t possibly express how restless I feel. (No, modesty is not my virtue….) Long story short mom relocated to BJ for new work as well as a new relationship –haven’t seen her being THAT happy since I lost my dad, so I am really happy for her. Her partner, a renown traditional Chinese medical doctor, is now taking care of her. Typing this line makes me feel like I am over-demanding–this personal, 24/7 professional and personal medical care ‘services’ are unavailable to most patients. Mr. Doctor is in his 80s and looks like a 60s, with a strength stronger and a mind sharper than mine. (Confessional Mode turned-on) I threw a pretty bad tantrum the other day to Mr. Doctor and I am actually feeling a little sorry. I was uncontrollably angry when he said I, as an illiterate in medicine, have doubts over the professional decisions of my mom’s doctor when I was asking if there’s any index for reference for the effectiveness of the chemotherapy; my quest for the possibility of a chemo drug with less side-effect was regarded as ‘giving trouble to the current plan’.
But I have to say that the ‘current plan’, designed by my mom’s current doctor, is, according to the doctor herself, not very useful and there’s nothing more effective on earth for the moment due to the aggressiveness of the sarcoma and the rarity of the case, which provides insufficient data for research. She said many of the patients do not live more than a year after the operation.
Not being able to make a scientific/medical decision good for my mom, I choose the option that can make her happy –which I believe will certainly benefit her health.
And bear the consequence of the decision. I think this is the lesson of growing-up.